Napkin Haiku 1

crouched on the table
its deliciousness unsheathed
the muffin taunts me.

Extreme High-Speed Acrobatic Motorcycle Dismount

...would be the name of the X-Games event it looked like I was practicing for one fine morning two years ago when I crashed my Ninja.

I was on the way to work one fine morning on my bike named Halle, heading to my first semi-legitimate acting job, for some Japanese crime-reenactment show that I'll never get to actually see.

On the curved Lakewood south exit off the 405, I was going maybe 40-45 when I noticed the big gravel patch that I was about to hit. All is not well, I was thinking. My wheels both went into a sideways skid at the same time, putting me and my old EX500 into a fun sort of powerslide.

It was all going swimmingly, all things considered, when both wheels hit the curb at the same time and launched me and my trusty steed into what would have looked much like a barrel roll, had she been a fighter jet and I a pilot. At that point, Halle and I decided it would be best to go our separate ways, so I was on my own for the rest of the flight.

It would have been rather peaceful soaring through the air, if not for the spinning. I saw ground, I saw sky, I saw ground, I saw sky, then I found the ground again and tumbled for a spell. Ah, dirt: nice and soft, relatively speaking. I rested for a minute, then climbed to my feet and made sure my limbs and genitalia were still attached, which they were, thanks to my decision to wear my full suit of leather that day.

Wear your leathers, kids. You'll thank me for the advice later.

I'm pretty sure that I'd damaged a rib or two, as it hurt to sneeze or laugh for a couple months, but other than that, I was fine. The bike hadn't exactly stuck the landing, though - her plastic bits were festively scattered around the general area and she was hiding under a bush, with her right clipon snapped off and dangling at a fun angle, her mufflers all banged up, and her forks twisted right the hell up.

We were pretty far off the road and a bit downhill, so no one passing would have noticed a thing had I been seriously injured, but it all turned out okay and I walked a bit down the road and called the production company for a ride.

That bike's in my backyard now, and I sold it to a good friend for a twenty, and he's fixing her up to be functional if not very pretty.