Gender Studies and Poop Math: Together at Last
It amazes me how some people really manage to get their panties in a bunch over silly things sometimes, like whether or not guys leave the seat up after peeing.
I've heard ladies put forth the argument that if they come into the bathroom and a man has left the seat up, the lady might end up accidentally sitting in cold water if she didn't check to see where the seat was, but I have little sympathy for people who don't pay attention to what they're doing. I have also heard it said that, since men sit down to poop and women always sit down, the seat spends most of its time down, and so men should always leave it down. It's a better argument, but I still find it rather simplistic, and lacking in numbers. I think it's time to put this thing to rest, once and for all, through the power of mathematics:
Let's assume for the sake of this argument that when we're going to the head, 75% of the time we're peeing and 25% of the time we're pooping, as that seems to be about my usual ratio and it makes the math relatively easy.
That means the girlies are sitting 100% of the time, and the guys are sitting 25% of the time and standing 75% of the time. Which is to say, the seat needs to be up 75/200ths=3/8ths of the time, or ~38% of the time, assuming that women and men are roughly equal in their usage of the john.
Now, if everyone just leaves the seat the way it is when they're done:
The ladies will have to move the seat 3 out of 8 times, as they need it down 100% of the time and 3/8ths of this toilet's uses will have left it up. Out of 32 bathroom trips, she will have to touch the toilet seat 12 times.
The men, if looking to drop the kids off at the pool (1/4 of the time), will similarly have a 3 in 8 chance of having to put the seat down. If they're tinkling (3/4ths if the time), however, they will have a 5/8ths chance of having to lift the seat. In the end that works out to 3/32 + 15/32 = 18/32. That has men having to touch the seat 50% more often than women, 18 times for every 32 expeditions to the loo. So we're already doing the lion's share of 2nd-hand ass-touching here. Of all the seat-manipulating happening, men are doing 60%.
If men were responsible for lowering the seat when they're done:
The ladies would never, ever have to touch the seat, because the seat is set exactly the way they like it. 0 seat touches per 32 bathroom trips.
The men, on the other hand, when they pee (3/4ths of the time), will have to to lift the seat, and then PUT IT BACK DOWN. That means for every 32 bathroom breaks, the man will have to touch that thing 24 whopping times. The men now are doing 100% of the crapper-touching.
Now tell me what you think sounds like a more reasonable plan:
-men having to do 60% of the work of touching the seat, and women having to take a brief glance at where they are putting their bare asses,
or,
-men doing 100% of the seat-manipulating, just so women can walk into the bathroom in the dark, ass-first, without taking the quarter second's worth of effort to visually verify the seat position.
And this isn't even taking into account the fact that if there are any germs on this seat, 4/5th of them are from female asses, so you should be grateful that we're already doing the germ-touching 60% of the time, even though they're mostly your germs. But we're happy to touch those germs that are 80% yours, 60% of the time, with zero complaining, because we're cool like that, and (presumably) because we love you.
Now go make us a sandwich, darlin.
I've heard ladies put forth the argument that if they come into the bathroom and a man has left the seat up, the lady might end up accidentally sitting in cold water if she didn't check to see where the seat was, but I have little sympathy for people who don't pay attention to what they're doing. I have also heard it said that, since men sit down to poop and women always sit down, the seat spends most of its time down, and so men should always leave it down. It's a better argument, but I still find it rather simplistic, and lacking in numbers. I think it's time to put this thing to rest, once and for all, through the power of mathematics:
Let's assume for the sake of this argument that when we're going to the head, 75% of the time we're peeing and 25% of the time we're pooping, as that seems to be about my usual ratio and it makes the math relatively easy.
That means the girlies are sitting 100% of the time, and the guys are sitting 25% of the time and standing 75% of the time. Which is to say, the seat needs to be up 75/200ths=3/8ths of the time, or ~38% of the time, assuming that women and men are roughly equal in their usage of the john.
Now, if everyone just leaves the seat the way it is when they're done:
The ladies will have to move the seat 3 out of 8 times, as they need it down 100% of the time and 3/8ths of this toilet's uses will have left it up. Out of 32 bathroom trips, she will have to touch the toilet seat 12 times.
The men, if looking to drop the kids off at the pool (1/4 of the time), will similarly have a 3 in 8 chance of having to put the seat down. If they're tinkling (3/4ths if the time), however, they will have a 5/8ths chance of having to lift the seat. In the end that works out to 3/32 + 15/32 = 18/32. That has men having to touch the seat 50% more often than women, 18 times for every 32 expeditions to the loo. So we're already doing the lion's share of 2nd-hand ass-touching here. Of all the seat-manipulating happening, men are doing 60%.
If men were responsible for lowering the seat when they're done:
The ladies would never, ever have to touch the seat, because the seat is set exactly the way they like it. 0 seat touches per 32 bathroom trips.
The men, on the other hand, when they pee (3/4ths of the time), will have to to lift the seat, and then PUT IT BACK DOWN. That means for every 32 bathroom breaks, the man will have to touch that thing 24 whopping times. The men now are doing 100% of the crapper-touching.
Now tell me what you think sounds like a more reasonable plan:
-men having to do 60% of the work of touching the seat, and women having to take a brief glance at where they are putting their bare asses,
or,
-men doing 100% of the seat-manipulating, just so women can walk into the bathroom in the dark, ass-first, without taking the quarter second's worth of effort to visually verify the seat position.
And this isn't even taking into account the fact that if there are any germs on this seat, 4/5th of them are from female asses, so you should be grateful that we're already doing the germ-touching 60% of the time, even though they're mostly your germs. But we're happy to touch those germs that are 80% yours, 60% of the time, with zero complaining, because we're cool like that, and (presumably) because we love you.
Now go make us a sandwich, darlin.
posted by Nate Falls at
20:52
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